Exit point from the life itself. I have no idea why I feel that the more I try to fix and makes thing right, the more I feel that I am not belong to this world anymore. I feel as if I am an alien and clueless on the surrounding event.
Is death the exit point. Am I asking for premature departure. Am I feel hopeless ? Seriously I dont felt any. In fact the core problem is that I dont know what am I feeling exactly. For sure I realize this might be the side effect of years suppression of my own inner feelings towards values and fundamental principles that I compromise all these years subconsciously.
Thinking such return to non-exist into the nothingness. Erase or reverse back present to the starting point of nothingness. Needless to say such emotion of sorrow and sadness did occur in mix of feelings in understanding the inner conflicts.
Wishing secretly if I can turn back time from the beginning of the story. Where the future seems so bright. Yet after 35 years, I still cant define or distinguish the brightness of sunshine or the spark of lightning. Having said, darkness seems useless when brightness is meaningless.
To the owner of my soul I seek forgiveness and wish I will be given the patience to endure and gratitude in enjoying.
Am I still bleeding inside ???? I have no answer,,,,,,,,,but I did heard wise man said, "The day we can rest assure and relax is the day when our feet first step into our great grand parents homeland. The day we met our father and our supreme creator for which give meanings for all what we know in this fanaa world. Anyway, there is still long way up front with lots of transits and painful journey to go. God, give me the will and effort to endure and appreciate what I should be thankful with.Ameen
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